Clients often ask me about what the balance is between being professional and personal on sites like Facebook or Twitter.

In a recent consult with one client, I came up with this analogy.

The balancing of being professional yet personal on Facebook or Twitter is like Casual Dress Friday in an office.

It’s more relaxed than a suit and tie or high heels. And yet not so informal that you show up in your Budweiser beer t-shirt and favorite sweatpants.

It’s the black pants and nice shirt and casual dress shoes.

In other words, it’s the middle ground between a stiff and formal memo talk and the “Dude! I got so blitzed this weekend!”

Be yourself. Be relaxed and comfortable. Just be thoughtful and mindful as well.

Facebook. The virtual Casual Friday.

A few months ago, I did a consult with an entrepreneur interested in my services. He was frustrated with the lack of growth in his business and had been told, as most business owners and entrepreneurs are these days, that social media was the new marketing and he needed to get onboard.

“We can work out the details later. I want to take ACTION! I want to do something NOW because what I have been doing hasn’t been working. I don’t care what it is, I just want to get started and take action!”

As I listened to him, I winced a little.

Listening to his desperate rush to do something, do anything, I saw myself.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve impulsively rushed into something – or away from something – without giving any real thought to what I was doing. This usually didn’t end all that pleasantly. At the very least, this impulsivity has cost me a lot of time, energy, and unnecessary stress.

Now, there is something to be said for spontaneity and not over-thinking things. But taking that wild leap out of fear or desperation is rarely the path I really want to take.

I finally realized it might be time to rethink my strategy after a few pin-in-the-map cross-country moves, bolting from a few relationships, and quitting a couple jobs – all of which worked out in the long-run, but left me frazzled, stressed, and exhausted for months (or years) in the short-term.

I still make a lot of quick decisions and I love taking action. Spontaneity is fun. It’s just that now when I feel the overwhelming urge to do something right now, I take a breath. Then I ask myself 3 things that help me to take action from a place of clarity and groundedness – instead of fear and desperation!

Emily’s 3 Questions for Clear  Action and Decision Making:

Why am I doing what I’m doing?

Do I know why I’m doing this? What am I going to get out of it?

Is this decision coming from a place of clarity or a place of fear? Am I moving toward something positive or away from something negative (there’s a difference!)?

How am I going to feel about this decision later?

What would my response be tomorrow? A week from now? 5 years from now?

Would my response be different after a good night’s sleep or talking with an objective friend?

Who’s making this decision?

Who’s running the show right now – is it tired, fearful, burnt-out Emily or clear, centered Emily? Who do I want to be in this circumstance?

The answers to these questions are always right there if I pause and take a breath. Sometimes, after stopping for a moment, I’m clear that the action I’m feeling compelled to take is right for me at that time. Other times I realize I need more time to gain clarity. And, sometimes, these 3 questions prevent me from taking an impulsive leap I really don’t want to take.

It’s not about non-action. It’s about clear action.

Impulsive action often sends me on a detour crowded with frustration, exhaustion, and fear. Non-action leaves me idling in restlessness and longing. Clear action takes me where I want to go – with ease, effortlessness, and much more enjoyment.

What kind of action are you taking?

Let’s be honest. When you first start, Twitter is just plain confusing.

When I’m teaching people about Twitter, I never fail to get the questions – “But how do I have conversations and connect with people?” or “Twitter just seems meaningless, how can I build relationships with people on it?”

Like any kind of relationship building, creating real connections with people on Twitter takes time – and it takes thoughtfulness.

Here are 4 simple tips to engage with people on Twitter:

1. Think conversation, not promotion

Remember this – the @reply is your friend on Twitter. It’s your best friend on Twitter. Focus on responding directly to other people’s tweets, to asking how they are, and having conversations with them. Worry less about promoting your services or products to everyone – focus on building one-on-one relationship with people you find interesting.

It’s indirect and often feels like nothing is happening (in terms of helping to build your business) but, in the long run, real connections on Twitter will pay off a thousand times more than any amount of self-promotion you could do.

2. Promote Others

The RT (or retweet) action is one of the most valuable there is on Twitter. As you’re building connections and relationships with people – help them out by promoting their stuff. Introduce other people to their products, programs, blogs, and events.

More than that though, tell people why you love that person. Add a comment to your RT. Why should anyone click on that link? Establish yourself as a resource of great stuff and a connection to awesome people. Genuine celebration and sharing of what your friends are doing is much more memorable and trustworthy than a stream of tweets just about your stuff.

3. Be consistent

If you’re only showing up once a week (or month or 3 months…) people are less likely to notice you. They’re less likely to engage with you.

They’re more likely to forget you.

Show up. Be consistent. 5 – 10 minutes a day is worth a hundred times more than an hour once a week.

Who do you feel more engaged with – the people you talk to on a frequent, regular basis or those you hear from once in a blue moon? Who are you more likely to recommend to your friends – the consistent person who shows up or the sporadic person who may or may not appear?

4. Keep your circle open

Chances are, as you use Twitter, you’ll develop a group of people that you interact with regularly and consistently. These are your core connections. These are the ones you have on your list of favorites and these are the ones you make sure you say hello to on a regular basis.

But don’t make your circle of friends a closed one.

Make a point to engage with new people regularly. Expand your circle. You’ll bring in new ideas, new networks, new people, and expand your reach at the same time. (Plus, it’s just fun to meet new people!)

Engagement is an aspect of trust. Without trust, all the advertisement and self-promotion in the world won’t help build your business. But the people you engage with?

They will.

To really get a handle on how to engage and use social media to build your business, check out the Social Media Kickstart Program.  We start on Monday, June 21st!

I talk a lot about how a willingness to be imperfect and keeping a “let’s try it and see what happens” approach is important in learning and using social media.  (and I do mean a lot – just ask some of my clients!)

Well, lately, I’ve been forgetting to follow my own advice.

I was talking with someone today who said “I feel like I have to understand it completely before I start.  I’ll never be good enough at it for it to work for me.” (It being Twitter.)

As she said that, big loud alarm bells started raising a racket in my head.

It sounded just a tad bit familiar.

See, for that last month or so, I’ve been working on a free video series to share with you.   Or, I’ve been trying to work on a free video series for you.  I have all the information I want to share.  I know how I want to share it.  I know what systems I have to set up to make it go smoothly and easily for you (and for me).

Yet, it’s not finished.

I’ve been letting my own perfectionistic fears trip me up.

Videos freak me out.  Creating them, anyway.  Making videos is in no way whatsoever in the realm of my comfort zone.  Like so many of my clients, I want to know before I’ve even started what the outcome will be.  Will they be useful to people?  Will I find ways to get them to the people who want them?  Will I be able to convey what I want to convey?  How will I KNOW I’m doing this right or that it’s worth all the time and energy I’m investing? On and on and on inside my head.

(Honestly, though, when it comes right down to it, I’m really just been afraid of looking like an idiot.)

My client’s fears of imperfection around Twitter made me aware how I’ve been letting my own fears of imperfection around video stop me in my tracks.

The truth is I don’t know what the outcome will be.  Perhaps I will look like a complete idiot.  Then again, perhaps the videos will be awesome and help reduce a lot of confusion for people (I really think they will).  I’m pretty sure I’d survive either way.

If I let my fears of imperfection stop me, I’d never know.  Instead of trying and learning and going from there, I’d just stay safe and remain right where I am.  Instead of expanding into something new and potentially awesome, I’d just keep truckin’ along on the same old path.

Too bad I don’t really want to stay where I am.  I want to grow.  I want my business to grow.  For me, that means taking the risk of creating some less than perfect videos – then letting you see them!  (I’m half done now – they’ll be out next week!)

When it comes down to it, it’s not a choice between perfection or imperfection.

It’s more a choice between fear and possibility.

I think I’ll take imperfection and the possibility of a fantastic outcome.  You?

There’s been a lot of talk going around lately about all the changes to Facebook’s privacy. Well, actually, it seems to be more outrage and upset than actual talk about it. I can’t count the number of status updates I’ve seen by people upset that their privacy has been “taken away” or that Facebook is suddenly “controlling” what is done with their information.

There are so many things I could say on this topic. So many things.

However, for today I’ll keep it simple and just say this:

You are not a victim of the big-bad “Facebook privacy stealer.” Facebook is not controlling you OR your privacy. Nothing has been taken away from you.

You have exactly the same amount of control over your privacy as you always have.

Know why?

You decide. You decide to use Facebook. You decide what information you give to people. You decide what pictures you post. You decide who to friend or not friend, like or not like. You decide what you write.

The people behind Facebook are the people who created Facebook. They own it. It’s THEIR site. They have the choice and right to do whatever they want with it.

Just as you have the choice and right to use Facebook or not use Facebook. Just as you have the choice and the right to decide what personal information to share on that site. If you don’t want certain information going out into the world, then don’t put it out there. Simple as that.

Facebook controls what happens with their site.

YOU control your privacy.

I have flat-out amazed myself with my level of productivity this week!

I have slid right through my to-do lists, checked off projects for clients one after another, made major progress on several of my own projects, and even had time for hiking, a couple of movies, and reading 2 novels! (Hot damn! What a week!)

You wanna know how I did it?

It’s such a ridiculously simple thing I’m almost embarrassed to admit it.

Seriously, it was just ONE itsy, bitsy, tiny little change. And it was one I KNOW (which begs the question – why on earth don’t I remember to do this all the time??)

Okay, you really for the big secret?

I clicked the X.

I closed browser tabs.

Instead of my computer screen looking like this:

It looked like this:

See, I said it was ridiculously simple.

If you’ve been a little harried and distracted online lately – perhaps it’s time to click a few X’s and simplify a bit. How much more do you think you could accomplish with a few less distracting windows begging your precious attention to run away on little excursions?

Try it for a week. Then come back and let me know what awesome things you got done! (Unless, of course, I’ve gotten so much done I have time to take a bonus week off…then just chat amongst yourselves in all your new free time! )

And if you really want to get more done – perhaps Time Rescuer can help! Check out my newly updated Services page!

“I just don’t get it.  I’m on Facebook, I have a Twitter account, and I even set up a Facebook Page.  I’ve been doing this whole social media thing for over a month – why isn’t anything happening?”

Ahh, yes.  There it was again.  The incredible magical story of social media.

The story that says social media is the Quick-Fix, the Instant-Cure, or the Overnight Money Floodgate Opener.  The story that says all you have to do is start a few accounts on various social media sites and the customers will race to spend money in your business.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news.  But….it’s not true.  That story is, well, a myth.

Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely know (and have experienced) how social media really can build a business, increase income, and take a business to another level.  I’ve seen how connections can be made for joint ventures and collaborative projects, how customers find businesses through social networking, and how income has increased as a direct result of social media.  I’ve seen start-up businesses connect directly with the leaders in their field and how a referral through Twitter can lead to a committed client who spends thousands of dollars in someone’s business.

It’s just that it these things don’t happen instantly.

Social media is not a quick fix.  It’s a process.  It takes time.

Social media and social networking is about building relationships and trust.  That doesn’t happen overnight.  A potential customer or client doesn’t hand over their money to you just because they saw your tiny picture once on Facebook or Twitter.

A potential client hands over their money only after you’ve earned their trust.  After you’ve consistently shown up in their awareness.  After you’ve established a relationship with them and interacted with them in some way.  After you’ve proven your trustworthiness by being consistent, following through on what you say you’re going to do, and by being authentic.  Earning that trust and building that relationship takes time.

Social media isn’t a magic pill.

Social media is a process and a tool.  It only works when you use it and participate.  It only works when you demonstrate that you are who you say you are and that you provide what you say you provide.

If you’re not being you, people will see it.

If you’re product or service is inferior, people will know it.

The opposite is true, too.

Social media can look like magic.  The connections you make can seem unexpected and magical.  Things can happen and unfold in ways you would have never expected.  Things can show up seemingly out of the blue.

But it’s not magic.

Social media works because you show up.  It works because you show up and participate. It works because you take the steps to build relationships and trust.  It works because even when it looks like nothing is happening, you trust the process and continue building relationships.

Participate.  Show up.  Build relationships.  Establish trust.

Trust the process.

And magical things can happen.

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